selected excerpts are from -- PKD: VALIS / Exegesis
--transfer of this selected material from the book is requested without
protest of the PKDick Estate as FAIR USE Requested
-- (from, dadaderass derrufo kenopke)
In Pursuit of Valis: Selections from the Exegesis
book data :
Clothbound: ISBN 0-88733-091-6 - Softcover: ISBN 0-88733-093-2
© 1991 by The Estate of Philip K. Dick
Cover art © 1991 by Ilene Meyer
Preface © 1991 by Lawrence Sutin.
Afterword © 1991 by Terence McKenna
Introduction © 1991 by Jay Kinney.
derr comments are marked by this--> derr :
PKD:I saw it as it really is: I saw with the ajna [third]
eye. (1979)
- - - - abbreviations I use :
& = and PKD = Phillip K Dick
(derr: when a person is obsessed,not overseen he can
become a writer that never gets past one chapter just like
Jack Nicholsan in THE SHINING =--PKD is so obsessed
by one crystallized idea and thought process ...)
- - - -
God manifested himself to me as the infinite void;
but it was not the abyss; it was the vault of heaven,
with blue sky and wisps of white clouds. He was not
some foreign God but the God of my fathers. He was
loving and kind and he had personality. He said, "You
suffer a little now in life; it is little compared with the
great joys, the bliss that awaits you. Do you think I in
my theodicy would allow you to suffer greatly in pro-
portion to your reward?" He made me aware, then, of
the bliss that would come; it was infinite and sweet.
He said, "I am the infinite. I will show you. Where I
am, infinity is; where infinity is, there I am. Construct
lines of reasoning by which to understand your experi-
ence in 1974. I will enter the field against their shift-
ing nature. You think they are logical but they are not;
they are infinitely creative."
- - - -
I thought a thought and then an infinite regres-
sion of theses and countertheses came into being. God
said, "Here I am; here is infinity." I thought another
explanation; again an infinite series of thoughts split
off in dialectical antithetical interaction. God said,
"Here is infinity; here I am." I thought, then, an infi-
nite number of explanations, in succession, that
explained 2-3-74; each single one of them yielded up
an infinite progression of flipflops, of thesis and
antithesis, forever. Each time, God said, "Here is infin-
ity. Here, then, I am." I tried for an infinite number of
times; each time an infinite regress was set off and
each time God said, "Infinity. Hence I am here." Then
he said, "Every thought loads to infinity, does it not?
Find one that doesn't." I tried forever. All led to an
infinitude of regress, of the dialectic, of thesis, antithe-
sis and new synthesis. Each time, God said, "Here is
infinity; here am I. Try again." I tried forever. Always
it ended with God saying, "Infinity and myself; I am
here." I saw, then, a Hebrew letter with many shafts,
and all the shafts led to a common outlet; that outlet
or conclusion was infinity. God said, "That is myself. I
am infinity. Where infinity is, there am I; where I am,
there is infinity. All roads—all explanations for 2-3-74—
lead to an infinity of Yes-No, This or That, On-Off, One-
Zero, Yin-Yang, the dialectic, infinity upon infinity; an
infinities [sic] of infinities. I am everywhere and all
roads lead to me; omniae viae ad Deum ducent [all
roads lead to God]. Try again. Think of another possi-
ble explanation for 2-3-74." I did; it led to an infinity
of regress, of thesis and antithesis and new synthesis.
"This is not logic," God said. "Do not think in terms of
absolute theories; think instead in terms of probabili-
ties. Watch where the piles heap up, of the same the-
ory essentially repeating itself. Count the number of
punch cards in each pile. Which pile is highest? You
can never know for sure what 2-3-74 was. What, then,
is statistically most probable? Which is to say, which
pile is highest? Here is your clue: every theory leads to
an infinity (of regression, of thesis and antithesis and
new synthesis). What, then, is the probability that I
am the cause of 2-3-74, since, where infinity is, there I
am? You doubt; you are the doubt as in:
They reckon ill who leave me out;
When me they fly I am the wings.
I am the doubter and the doubt
From the poem "Brahma" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
"You are not the doubter; you are the doubt itself.
So do not try to know; you cannot know. Guess on the
basis of the highest pile of computer punch cards.
There is an infinite stack in the heap marked INFIN-
ITY, and I have equated infinity with me. What, then,
in the chance that it is me? You cannot be positive; you
will doubt. But what is your guess?"
I said, "Probably it is you, since there is an infinity
of Infinities forming before me."
"There is the answer, the only one you will ever
have," God said.
"You could be pretending to be God," I said, "and
actually be Satan." Another infinitude of thesis and
antithesis and new synthesis, the infinite regress, was
set off.
God said, "Infinity."
(derr : one has to wonder if PKD may have truly believed
his real world intellectually inside his mind would have
-ENDED- if...I say IF PKD had NOT had this alone time to sit in
a room [man-cave] ? That the "exegesis work" was the only thing
keeping him from total insanity--> being sent to an institution
for the very Last Time-never again returning to society.)
- - - -
I said, "You could be testing out a logic system in a giant
computer and I am—" Again an infinite
regress.
"Infinity," God said.
"Will it always be infinite?" I said. "An infinity?"
"Try further," God said.
"I doubt if you exist," I said. And the infinite
regress instantly flew into motion once more.
"Infinity," God said. The pile of computer punch
cards grew; it was by far the largest pile; it was infinite.
"I will play this game forever," God said, "or until
you become tired."
I said, "I will find a thought, an explanation, a
theory, that does not set off an infinite regress." And,
us soon as I said that, an infinite regress was set off.
God said "Over a period of six and a half years you
have developed theory after theory to explain 2-3-74.
Each night when you go to bed you think, 'At last I
found it. I tried out theory after theory until now,
finally, I have the right one.' And then the next morning
you wake up and say, 'There is one fact not
explained by that theory. I will have to think up
another theory.' And so you do. By now it is evident
to you that you are going to think up an infinite num-
ber of theories, limited only by your lifespan, not lim-
ited by your creative imagination. Each theory gives
rise to a subsequent theory, inevitably. Let me ask
you; I revealed myself to you and you saw that I am
the infinite void. I am not in the world, as you
thought; I am transcendent, the deity of the Jews and
Christians.
- - - -
What you see of me in world that you
took to ratify pantheism—that is my being filtered
through, broken up, fragmented and vitiated by the
multiplicity of the flux world; it is my essence, yes,
but only a bit of it: fragments here and there, a glint,
a riffle of wind ... now you have seen me transcen-
dent, separate and other from world, and I am more;
I am the infinitude of the void, and you know me as
I am. Do you believe what you saw? Do you accept
that where the infinite is, I am; and where I am,
there is the infinite?"
I said, "Yes."
God said, "And your theories are infinite, so I am
there. Without realizing it, the very infinitude of your
theories pointed to the solution; they pointed to me
and none but me. Are you satisfied, now? You saw me
revealed in theophany; I speak to you now; you have,
while alive, experienced the bliss that is to come; few
humans have experienced that bliss. Let me ask you,
Was it a finite bliss or an infinite bliss?"
I said, "Infinite."
"So no earthly circumstance, situation, entity or
thing could give rise to it."
"No, Lord," I said.
"Then it is I," God said. "Are you satisfied?"
"Let me try one other theory," I said. "What happened
in 2-3-74 was that—" And an infinite regress was
set off, instantly.
"Infinity," God said. "Try again. I will play forever,
for infinity."
"Here's a new theory," I said. "I ask myself, 'What
God likes playing games? Krishna. You are Krishna.'"
And then the thought came to me instantly, "But
there is a god who mimics other gods; that god is
Dionysus. This may not be Krishna at all; it may be
Dionysus pretending to be Krishna." And an infinite
regress was set off.
"Infinity," God said.
"You cannot be YHWH Who You say You are," I
said. "Because YHWH says, 'I am that which I am,' or,
'I shall be that which I shall be.' And you—"
"Do I change?" God said. "Or do your theories
change?"
"You do not change," I said. "My theories change.
You, and 2-3-74, remain constant."
"Then you are Krishna playing with me," God
said.
"Or I could be Dionysus," I said, "pretending to be
Krishna. And I wouldn't know it; part of the game is
that I, myself, do not know. So I am God, without real-
izing it. There's a new theory!" And at once an infinite
regress was set off; perhaps I was God, and the "God"
who spoke to me was not.
"Infinity," God said. "Play again. Another move."
"We are both Gods," I said, and another infinite
regress was set off.
"Infinity," God said.
"I am you and you are you," I said. "You have
divided yourself in two to play against yourself. I, who
am one half, I do not remember, but you do. As it says
in the GITA, as Krishna says to Arjuna, 'We have both
lived many lives, Arjuna; I remember them but you
do not."*
"' And an infinite regress was set off; I could
well be Krishna's charioteer, his friend Arjuna, who
does not remember his past lives.
"Infinity," God said.
I was silent.
"Play again," God said.
"I cannot play to infinity," I said. "I will die before
that point comes."
"Then you are not God," God said. "But I can play
throughout infinity; I am God. Play."
- - - -
(derr : in the book _the transmigration of timothy archer_ there are
too many references to madness & insanity so that we the Rational
inquiring world-mind of earthKeep (PKD Fans ) are forced to finally
confront the PKD who is perhaps sick asking for help but
in a purely genius of a writer methodology so we
of course keep on reading--waiting for the next book...
brilliant Phil, brilliant.)
"Perhaps I will be reincarnated," I said. "Perhaps
we have done this before, in another life." And an
infinite regress was set off.
"Infinity," God said. "Play again."
"I am too tired," I said.
"Then the game is over."
"After I have rested—"
"You rest?" God said. "
George Herbert** wrote of me:
Yet let him keep the rest,
But keep them with repining restlessnesse.
Let him be rich and wearie, that at least,
If goodness leade him not, yet wearinesse
May tosse him to my breast.
"Herbert wrote that in 1633," God said. "Rest and
the game ends."
"I will play on," I said, "after I rest. I will play until
finally I die of it."
"And then you will come to me," God said.
"Play."
* Krishna to Arjuna in chapter 10 of the BHAGAVAD GITA.
** George Herbert (1593-1633), English Christian poet and mystic. The
lines quoted by PKD form the final stanza of the poem "The Pulley." In
line five, "my" is capitalized in the original.
"This is my punishment," I said, "that I play, that I
try to discern if it was you in March of 1974." And the
thought came instantly, My punishment or my
reward; which? And an infinite series of thesis and
antithesis was set off.
"Infinity," God said. "Play again."
"What was my crime?" I said, "that I am
compelled to do this?"
"Or your deed of merit," God said.
"I don't know," I said.
God said, "Because you are not God."
"But you know," I said. "Or maybe you don't
know and you're trying to find out." And an infinite
regress was set off.
"Infinity," God said. "Play again. I am waiting."
(17 November 1980)
God said that I couldn't know with certainty, but,
instead, to watch where the computer punch cards
piled up. Okay.
(derr : one has to wonder if PKD may have truly believed
his real world intellectually inside his mind would have
-ENDED- if...I say IF PKD had NOT had this alone time to sit in
a room [man-cave] ? That the "exegesis work" was the only thing
keeping him from total insanity--> being sent to an institution
for the very Last Time-never again returning to society.)
(1) As late as 11-16-80 (the day Ray* arrived) I theo-
rized that Valis was the macrometaso makosmos** and
the "second signal" and that this was the Cosmic
Christ, not disguised as an invader in our universe
but assembling itself out of our universe. So here you
have the Cosmic Christ, seen in 3-74.
(2) In my anamnesis I remembered being a Christian,
of the first century C.E. This was "Thomas." He
brought with him the original sacraments of the apos-
tolic secret church.
(3) On 11-17-80 I experienced a (why not an epiphany?)
theophany and God turned out to be the Christian God, of love (his
nature was love). He told me that my problem was
that I could not believe I had seen him, specifically
him, in 3-74.
* Ray Torrence, bookseller and friend of PKD. Torrence was paying a
visit to PKD and was with PKD on 17 November 1980, the date of what
PKD called the "theophany." In interview with the editor, Torrence stated
that he recalled nothing unusual about PKD that day.
** Ultimate cosmic body or structure.
(4) Small details. Disinhibition by the Christian fish
sign. The Acts material in TEARS. Seeing the world of
Acts. Remembering the supratemporal eidos of the
secret underground revolutionary Christians, of which
I am one, battling the Black Iron Prison; what I call
realm #3 or morphological arrangement.
The first three; let us consider.
(1) Possibility that Valis (the macrometaso makosmos
and "second signal" are the Cosmic Christ.
(2) Thomas was a secret early Christian.
(3) When God revealed himself to me in a theoph-
any he was the Christian God, specifically.
Don't these all fit together? Look at how the com-
puter punch cards fall; look at the distribution. (3) is
proved; He proved who he was by causing me to expe-
rience infinite bliss. Oh Yes:
Regarding (4), the AI voice's initial statement was,
"St. Sophia will be born again; she wasn't acceptable
before." Another small item.
derr comments are marked by this---> derr:
(derr: when a person is obsessed,not overseen he can
become a writer that never gets past one chapter just like
Jack Nicholsan in THE SHINING =--PKD is so obsessed
by one crystallized idea and thought process ...)
PKD: How do the computer punch cards fall now, with
the addition? Mention of St. Sophia (Christ), the
Christian God—who told me that my theorizing in
the exegesis was not logical but infinitely creative;
and he would take the field and block my endless
speculations.
(derr : one has to wonder if PKD may have truly believed
his real world intellectually inside his mind would have
-ENDED- if...I say IF PKD had NOT had this alone time to sit in
a room [man-cave] ? That the "exegesis work" was the only thing
keeping him from total insanity--> being sent to an institution
for the very Last Time-never again returning to society.)
(derr : in trans. of timothy archer there are too many references to
madness & insanity so that we the Rational inquiring world-mind of
earthKeep are forced to finally confront the PKD who is perhaps sick
asking for help but in a purely genius of a writer methodology so we
of course keep on reading--waiting for the next book...
brilliant Phil, brilliant.)
PKD : Isn't (1) and (2) verified by (3), which is a known?
Can't I work backwards from (3) to especially (1),
which is to say, Valis, the macrometaso makosmos, the
"second signal" (vide entry date 11-16-80)? I would say
yes; yes I can.
Also, I have the impression that the dialectic (that
I saw in 3-74) represented two processes at two levels:
(1) The disintegrating "splitting" of entropic time. This would be
world and would pervade all creation.
(2) At the same time (so to speak) at a higher
level it would be God versus Satan, with God as
the wiser horn who always wins through
enantiodromia.
(derr : a query from those of flesh form who are weary
of the winning so-called wiser god's REALITY. Tell us PKD how you
hold such ideas if you know how terrible war is - how awful
Nixon's 1960s madness of the USA was? Why do you say Satan
is Losing out against God ? How do you tell which force that rules on
Planet Earth _IS_the real SATAN or GOD ??? Do you see an error in your high
built wall of reason?As YOU PKD Studied GOD ?)
PKD : Now, this winning through wisdom points to the
Cosmic Christ, since Christ is Holy Wisdom, St.
Sophia, Hagia Sophia, Wisdom personified. Also
Christ is God ("Kai Theos en ho logos") [The King is God
through his Word]. Therefore, if this be true, perhaps
although I did see world in 3-74 I saw world as Christ;
world becoming the Cosmic Christ (the
macrometasomahosmos).... Then Christ combatting
Satan in the dialectic is God Himself, the Christian
God of love, combatting Satan. This would explain
why one horn of the dialectic was wiser than the
other, and, despite the power of the other, always won
(through its wisdom; this is what produces the cease-
less enantiodromia). By the way; this fits in with
Jakob Bohme's vision of the Yes-No dialectic of God
who passes through stages, and that the negative or
"No" sides are what we experience as evil. In my opin-
ion this is God as the Cosmic Christ.
A trinitarian view of God and Christ being of
one substance must be held in order to understand
this.The arguments for Valis being the Cosmic Christ
are not conclusive but they are compelling.[... ]
(11-24-80)
So Satan served me up a sophisticated world in
accord with my epistemological expectations (as
expressed in my 10 volume meta novel)* & I took this
to be God & worshipped it, which is not only delu-
sion—although a subtle delusion—but blasphemy; but
in doing this
1) Satan revealed to me a great deal about
world (although he led me to believe it was God,
not world); &
2) Because of the infinitude of my theorizing I
reached God anyhow—& this is an example of the tri-
umph of God the wise horn of the dialectic; so:
3) The dialectic revealed to me is the entropic
world-process; but also:
4) The dialectic is God in combat with Satan &
God always wins; winning me (as expressed in 11-17-
80) is an example: Satan's delusions led me to God in
the end (through the "infinity" route; viz: as God said,
"Where there is infinity, there is God; where there is
God, there is infinity.").
Thus my exegesis has been futile, has been delu-
sion, &: has been a hell-chore (as I was beginning to
realize, but God delivered me from it, from my own
exegesis; & he pointed out the one truth in it: the infin-
ity expressed in it was—but this was overlooked by
Satan who does not possess absolute knowledge—a
road to God, & did lead there; but only when I recog-
nized the exegesis as futile & a hell-chore delusion.
Hence God permitted this deluding by Satan, know-
ing when it would end.
So I wind up knowing a lot more about world—
world as we will later experience it, the world—expe-
rience of the future; & I no longer suppose that I was
discening God & realize that I was discerning world instead;
* PKD would group various of his past works into thematic: wholes to
which he gave the name "meta novel". See chapter four herein,
"Interpretations of His Own Works," for examples of this process. The
precise configuration PKD had in mind here is unclear.
PKD :
& I was at last led to God. But not by my
intellect, not by Gnosis, not by myself at all; it was
due to God's initiative due to his loving-kindness; &
what was proved was (once again) that all
roads/ways/routes if pushed far enough lead to God.
Hence (as I say) there is an example of how God the
wise born of the dialectic defeats its stupider foe inev-
itably in the end—this was an enantiodromia. It
occurred when I realized that all that I had seen of
God in 2-3-74 was a glint of color & a rippled wind in
the weeds of the alley, acting on reality; that Valis
was not God but rather world ("the reality field") per-
turbed (from beyond creation) by God; but this did
not yield knowledge of God direct, but only by infer-
ence; & that in fact 2-3-74 was not a theophany, but
was a more sophisticated experience of world: cre-
ation pulled through infinity by reaching the end of
(exhausting) its creative/entropic "splitting" (disinte-
grating; differentiating) dialectic process: entropic
time converted into negentropic time. But this was
still world, & Satan caused me to worship it... to fall
victim to it, ensnared by it; taking it to be God; until
I found that I had pushed my exegesis to infinity
without result! & then I focused on the very infini-
tude of my theories & saw (recognized) this as an
instance of cosmogenic entropy; &, at last exhausted,
prayed for release; & God did appear to me in the-
ophany & took the field & blocked each & all theo-
ries, & ended my exegesis, not in defeat but in logical
discovery of Him (which Satan had not foreseen).
Thus intellect & knowledge on my part led to exhaus-
tion & to destruction of that intellect & a recognition
of the futility of what I was doing; I knew I knew
nothing; & then God took the field & made his move
that resulted in the enantiodromia that led me to
him anyhow, as if I had wandered that way by
chance; but it was by his plan all along. & this was an
instance of the dialectic that I had seen.Finally I wind up with
viz: VALIS_Exegesis-2.jpg
Both these 2 following statements are true:
1) The intellect will not lead you to God.
2) The intellect will lead you to God.
-- ---- -- --- --- -- --- ---
(derr : a query from those of flesh form who are weary
of the winning so-called wiser god's REALITY. Tell us PKD how you
hold such ideas if you know how terrible war is - how awful
Nixon's 1960s madness of the USA was? Why do you say Satan
is Losing out against God ? How do you tell which force that rules on
Planet Earth _IS_the real SATAN or GOD ??? Do you see an error in your high
built wall of reason?As YOU PKD Studied GOD ?)
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